haha

2012-01-30T12:49:00.001+08:00

i got otitis media. ITS MOTHER PAIN wth -.-

2012-01-30T04:00:00.001+08:00

non viable

2012-01-27T14:19:00.002+08:00

미안 해~

2012-01-25T15:12:00.002+08:00

there are many reasons why i should overachieve,

and only one stopping me from doing so.

2012-01-22T15:57:00.003+08:00

i get why he's so bitter about it. but its gonna happen anyway, and being bitter about it isn't gonna change anything. it won't make the world a better place. we can't make the world a better place. we can only make ourselves better people. and hopefully along the way too we choose to hold and keep the right pieces of this universe close to us, such that we make ourselves the life we'd have.

on a separate note, i feel like doing photog again! ok i will!!

2012-01-21T17:13:00.003+08:00

我很想记得可是我记不得 -

just remembered that i had a dream this morning. i try and try to remember what it was about, but i just can't seem to summon any recall..

2012-01-17T22:26:00.002+08:00

yes, indeed, i'd very much like to know the answers to the questions you are asking yourself too. especially the last two you had at the end of your third paragraph. i feel that your second last paragraph is wrong, don't do it/continue it. guess i love more people than the ones i say i love you to too..

2012-01-16T21:52:00.001+08:00

your stairway lies on the whispering wind

2012-01-15T21:43:00.000+08:00

2012-01-13T17:16:00.001+08:00

not fun la

2012-01-12T10:42:00.001+08:00

randy's right, it's quite fun haha. but maybe it's cos there's nice music playing in my head

2012-01-11T18:13:00.001+08:00

no wonder every year 倒霉 la. cny not supposed to 欠 ppl anything. 要还得很清楚 right.

2012-01-11T00:18:00.000+08:00

randy says: "no what, its quite fun." hahahahahahaha. go us!

2012-01-09T23:47:00.002+08:00

sometimes i wonder how nice it'd be if i could just walk into my destiny

2012-01-09T14:14:00.001+08:00

every patho lab..

2012-01-08T19:07:00.004+08:00

i think as medical students.. we're much more well equipped than others with medical knowledge, but without enough knowledge, or tools or skills or experience of real doctors. consequently, we are led to analyse how benign or malignant a complaint may be. "well it really could be anything. from differential diagnoses, to nothing." i think it is painful, but only prudent, to remember that the non-medical people will not, and should not, have the capacity to think so. these people, especially the older ones, especially our loved ones. especially our parents, our family.. will fear for poor health. and rightfully so. but it brings -or at least it ought to bring- us privilleged medical students painfully back down to earth. to remember that age and diseases will catch up to all of us eventually.. and to remind us how helpless we are still now that we haven't become freaking doctors yet.

2012-01-07T22:39:00.002+08:00

hiok finds it interesting to note that whilst bad things can happen overnight, good things don't.

tonight i am feeling greedy. usually i just aim to have thoughts that are not not good, but tonight, i wish for happy thoughts.

on a very separate note though, i am very thankful i have food to eat! :) i haven't been pigging out lately, but i have been, honestly, very hungry, very often these few days, and i am truly very thankful to be fortunate enough to have food on my table. :)

2012-01-07T17:59:00.002+08:00

"I used to think you needed to see it, to believe it.

But now I realize that to see it, you must first believe it."

- Andre Jordan

2012-01-02T21:13:00.001+08:00

"and the ugly duckling turned out to be a beautiful swan. of course, this was temporary, and the inexorable passage of time absconded with her beauty and her friends, leaving her alone in a bell jar, slowly turning carbonic with her cynicism, and septic with her failed dreams."

2012-01-02T00:49:00.001+08:00

maybe the stars have aligned

2012-01-01T00:36:00.003+08:00

"i think in the past, there were some things that i kinda knew innately but i didn't act on them much

but after that i kinda saw a broader perspective of stuff and i think that kinda changed my attitude quite a bit luh"

i've never been more aware of how i've changed the past half year than these few days.. its really interesting to note, especially because i don't know where it leads me.

you, you.. obsession with you has stolen me away from some people. perhaps you password-locking me out of your life is an. indication. that i ought to tend more to the world, than just to you. i've opened my eyes wider, my mind wider, my heart wider. but its a more tired me now, a more (quote) "aged" me. a me with a readily crack-able back. how will i fare?

but you know. so long as you exist, there will be unrest. will new saplings grow?

beginning 2012 with such a heavy post.. i'm thinking, the year will get lighter.

2011-12-30T15:41:00.003+08:00

i have an innate fear/dread of getting involved in things which threaten to yield no results. recently, one thing like that is life.

but i've been told that a man ought to be judged by the things he does for people who can't give him anything in return. and 反正世界上很多事都是徒劳无功的.

i therefore ought to try venturing forth anyway..

2011-12-30T05:37:00.003+08:00

something about not mixing medicine with alcohol..

today my friend g girish gave me a crash course on how to ride a motorbike, and then i rode solo on his bike for a short distance. i eventually lost balance and fell down and cut my knee.

there is an intense vague mix of feelings and thoughts in me right now, esp today/tonight. like a melting pot of sludge of which i can't tell what's in it.

i've also decided to learn to ride a motorbike.

somewhere in the distance now i hear a rooster crowing. twice..

2011-12-29T00:24:00.002+08:00

hiokhong says: (AM 12:23:05)
sian dont know if you caught what i happen to be telling nicole today since she asked

hiokhong says: (AM 12:23:16)
a bit random since we dont talk

hiokhong says: (AM 12:23:27)
but i'm amazed at how much i've changed in the past half a year la

hiokhong says: (AM 12:23:29)
srsly haha

hiokhong says: (AM 12:23:40)
my view on things, big and small

hiokhong says: (AM 12:23:50)
i cant even seem to look at ppl the same way anymore

hiokhong says: (AM 12:24:07)
i'm looking at a familiar face on fb and i cant seem to recognize it

wait til i see that face tmr lor haha

2011-12-28T19:52:00.001+08:00

eating zi char at bishan kim san leng with my guitar guys.. food's not great but the company is :)

2011-12-26T19:58:00.001+08:00

keep being in this state where i seem to be perpetually wondering

2011-12-26T19:50:00.002+08:00

after watching 无间道 II and III back to back today cos i felt like it, i'm just sitting here lying on one arm, reading a bit of facebook, with c-pop playing in my headphones, thinking of things, filling in blanks with stories i may have imagined myself, cos i feel like it.

2011-12-23T01:08:00.001+08:00

tsk, hmm.

2011-12-22T23:12:00.001+08:00

今晚我不哭.. 但偏偏老天爷好像在替我哭...

2011-12-21T13:55:00.002+08:00

i guess i just had a sad and abrupt realisation. that you've moved on. fullstop. we can't be friends, and we can't be lovers, however much it is meant to be. aimless as i am as i roam funan right now with 2 hours of sleep, i am unwillingly glad you are not like me. there are echoes of you everywhere. so sad. it is fine i guess. the question remains: how much did i have to drink last night?

2011-12-21T06:13:00.001+08:00

i'm very sad as a doctor cos i can't save everyone

2011-12-20T17:59:00.000+08:00

my curse is that when ppl ask why, i ask, why not.

2011-12-19T18:02:00.003+08:00

back from sabai.. every sabai i'm filled full with thoughts haha. it was an awesome, tiring, fulfilling trip.. haha sad to say though, i spent the moments before touch down just now facepalming half my face with specs off thinking how now that i'm back in singapore i have to think of what to do with my life again.. sian

2011-12-09T12:27:00.005+08:00

you know that a precious memory has become too long ago, when you think about it and you miss it so dearly that you imagine yourself being transported back into that moment, only to find yourself panicking and feeling like you're in danger cos you can't not be in the present, to hold the world up and deal with all the shit that still needs to be settled, that being in a relaxed and happy moment, will cause you to be away from problems you can't just ignore, which you feel will escalate/accumulate backlog/miss opportunities. cos time will keep going forward, and the world will keep turning or smth.

am i the only one? recently, another memory has become that. a summer memory haha. man, eurotrip was fun..

2011-12-07T20:47:00.000+08:00

so long as you keep watching on like that, and smile.

2011-12-07T20:38:00.001+08:00

i'm a lone wolf in the desert. recently i've taken a liking to kill myself, and help others haha.

2011-12-01T00:58:00.002+08:00

just spent 17 hours out of house.. and the last 7 hours or so, foaming over crazy drug names and numbers, at a doctor's house, for ocip. so tired and foaming.. but it feels good though. it makes me feel powerful, and strong haha. feels damn good too, that i have to wake up an hour earlier than usual in the morn tmr, for a meeting before school, before finishing the fight with the drug list after school haha.

i've always wanted to be the change i want to see in this world. 让这个世界，因为有了我，会有一点点差别。

而我的世界，不过就是你的心。

2011-11-29T22:48:00.000+08:00

so tired.. but i have to go on if not the world will crash

2011-11-28T20:44:00.006+08:00

keep until icing also 生水了.. but still i refuse to eat it.

brings to mind a certain song.. 你知不知道, 你知不知道.. 我等到花儿也谢了~~

2011-11-25T03:14:00.006+08:00

i can't tell you what it really is, i can only tell you what it feels like. and right now, its a steel knife in my windpipe. i can't breathe

but i still fight while i can fight. i won't give up. i can't.

2011-11-21T23:32:00.001+08:00

yea fuck this shit

2011-11-18T17:11:00.003+08:00

the sky today and me both depict almost dying but not dead.

my diarrhoea, my drinking, my hyper-crazy type 'A' daily state.. are all manifestations of that..

it feels good.

i'm very tired. but it's ok. chin up heads down, there are fights to finish..

2011-11-16T22:49:00.004+08:00

還是要幸福 - 田馥甄

不確定就別親吻感情很容易毀了一個人
一個人若不夠狠愛淡了不離不棄多殘忍

你留下來的垃圾我一天一天總會丟完的
我甚至真心真意的祝福永恆在你的身上先發生

你還是要幸福你千萬不要再招惹別人哭
所有錯誤從我這裏落幕別跟著我銘心刻骨

你還是要幸福我才能確定我還得很清楚
確定自己再也不會佔據你的篇幅
明天開始這一切都結束

還我鑰匙的備份我覺得再見可以很單純
我甚至真心真意的祝福永恆在你的身上先發生

你還是要幸福你千萬不要再招惹別人哭
所有錯誤從我這裏落幕別跟著我銘心刻骨

你還是要幸福我才能確定我還得很清楚
確定自己再也不會佔據你的篇幅
明天開始這一切都結束

你還是要幸福你千萬不要再招惹別人哭
所有錯誤從我這裏落幕別跟著我銘心刻骨

你如果很幸福半夜的簡訊我就無需回覆
因為你的悲喜已經有了容身之處我也能有最純粹的孤獨

最孤獨的孤獨

and so i wonder if you read this blog. but don't tell me.

2011-11-15T12:03:00.002+08:00

对啊, so don't worry so much, 让这些都成为故事吧. 其实, 结局谁都不懂嘛.

2011-11-14T23:27:00.002+08:00

you're the reason why i'm not drinking tonight.

because tomorrow, i gotta fight for you.

2011-11-14T11:49:00.000+08:00

questions with no answers.

2011-11-08T10:57:00.001+08:00

i'm gonna take a shot in the dark here,

i am not living in the past. i have not, in a long time.

i AM looking forward, in fact i can see very far ahead.

i may not be charming, or a prince. but i said i am going to be the one who changes you, and i mean it.

prove to you.

2011-11-07T05:30:00.002+08:00

at this time, i alr see 2 couples at utown starbucks patting/sayanging each other awake.. on a separate note, ppl i know seem to be seeking a partner according to rational thought and probability and prospects. no one's pining crazy like this for one person..

2011-11-05T14:36:00.003+08:00

its a pleasant afternoon, and i am at home eating chilli crab that my dad just fried, with my brother, and my mum. my dad and my mum bought the crabs, and "a seafood sauce" from the market this morning. i watch my mum try to feed my elder sis, who keeps making noise and refusing to eat, and my dad watches and uncontrollably gives a chuckle. we talk in colloquial singapore chinese..

i cant believe i'm jealous of my parents.. haha :/

2011-11-04T01:12:00.001+08:00

slacking, making life decisions, and being mindf-ed all rolled into one.. wth thats how i've spent the past 3 hours -.- how i'll spend the next 3 i guess would be drinking, studying, and going crazy being depressed. all rolled into one...

2011-11-03T22:16:00.002+08:00

but i put one foot in front of the other and keep going and waiting for it anyway right

2011-11-03T21:57:00.000+08:00

9 o'clock show.. i watch until damn tired alr. also wait until damn tired alr

2011-11-03T13:40:00.002+08:00

i'll bet tigers are damn sian when they have to fend off ppl. like i freaking peed there!! -.-

2011-11-02T22:19:00.002+08:00

我是地球, 在追逐留不住的流星.. its like i have to wait for the stars to align, for us to collide

2011-10-31T22:19:00.003+08:00

can you imagine..?

no no, i can imagine. can YOU imagine? haha

2011-10-31T09:47:00.002+08:00

i feel tortured everyday. how do i live? 每一天在你的梦里等待..

2011-10-30T23:19:00.003+08:00

omG i just found something mindblowing to do to waste time haha. it has to do with pressing ctrl-alt-cmd-8, and staring at a nose for > 10 seconds. wtheck..

2011-10-30T17:07:00.001+08:00

everyday its just getting harder to live, every moment is getting harder to pass.

2011-10-30T15:20:00.001+08:00

today's just one day. but how many more times am i going to say that?

2011-10-30T15:02:00.000+08:00

i don't know

2011-10-29T23:35:00.003+08:00

i really want to figure out why the frown, at 3.07pm today. cos all i want to do is to put a smile on that face of yours, every moment, everyday.

if only i could tell you all that haha

2011-10-28T19:22:00.003+08:00

you are confident for all the wrong reasons, and i am confident for all the right reasons. there is no way i can't do it. i'm going to up my game, and you'll see. because this bloody hell matters to me. let's go man

2011-10-26T18:11:00.000+08:00

:( everyday, i'm just dreaming of having a nice wife and kids next time :(

2011-10-23T23:39:00.001+08:00

ahh life sucks..

2011-10-23T00:54:00.003+08:00

wah, who can make red eyeshadow matched with green contacts look good? only kim hyuna!! D: but who's the one that can make black mascara look good? only

2011-10-22T20:14:00.001+08:00

wahlao, life freaking sucks! but its ok cos, i guess, if the happiness isnt here, its elsewhere..

2011-10-22T15:52:00.001+08:00

拜托不要现在告诉我,

2011-10-21T18:39:00.000+08:00

because i know that when the song finishes, i am supposed to forget you.

2011-10-15T23:07:00.001+08:00

不懂你的黑色幽默...

2011-10-15T21:19:00.000+08:00

not one day will i forget that we are the more fortunate.

2011-10-15T18:13:00.002+08:00

tears fill my eyes as i run away. like in the song running away haha, i'm not running away to escape something, but to leave behind things. out run them. i can't bear to leave these things behind but i have to. and its a pain. i like driving the way i like to keep walking, i guess because, i keep on moving. walking's only sad though, when i'm walking in the rain, alone. arj tells me that there are many guys out there, walking in the rain alone. but still, i want it to be like the stretch i walk from east point to my house - where i eventually have a place called home that i walk to.

i'm running away, i'm leaving things behind. i think i'm actually outrunning this, but its so sad. on the other hand i cant seem to ever outrun that.. and so i realised it may be something. and so i'm not doing it any other way lor.

2011-10-15T18:08:00.001+08:00

maybe i'm just screwed intrinsically from the start la. but i wouldnt have it any other way. i dont know how to.

2011-10-13T00:06:00.002+08:00

your hair will split, and your skin will age. skin-deep beauty and skin-deep youth.. will fade. smth else lives forever. yes, that's how i know.

that being said.. its tough.. me and arj are both waiting for the mums to appear. til then, a story is being told.. good luck !

2011-10-10T23:26:00.003+08:00

is it me, or my imagination, i smell incense paper burning in the distance..

carried by the air that is blown from another block or smth..

i can't help but feel nostalgic, taking myself back to younger days of carefree, memories of heartland events where i'm at my old aunt's place, heartland heartland heartland. where back at my house on the night of cny eve my parents set up a table, make offerings to chinese deities, and i chill, in a child's sense, the night away just enjoying the fact that its a holiday.

not just that i miss those days. but i am so looking forward to them..

2011-10-10T22:52:00.002+08:00

the keyword was the first word of the sentence, not the highlighted one..

i feel sad because i know that face as the person who's gonna be someone next time. but i bind my tongue and leave out so much more i want to type in this post because i know that's the only right thing to do if i

because it tied both of us down and we couldnt breathe. and you look so alive struggling right now.

go forth and be alive

2011-10-09T23:29:00.003+08:00

very tired and irritable. probably cos i feel bu zi zai cos i'm falling sick. but in addition to my feeling pissed off, ok i feel more pissed off, at, how, backboneless ppl are well, backboneless, whilst ppl whom i can converse with and can take care of themselves.. are just being dicks. of course, there are backboneless ppl who are dicks, which is the reason for the first feeling pissed off that i mentioned anyway. btw took place past few days. pretty sure it'll take place more next time anyway.

2011-10-07T02:28:00.001+08:00

it is suddenly 2.30am.. remind me how why i cannot ever get into the soc? do i? is it? maybe got no soc/new soc its random i dont get it??? hahahahahaha

2011-10-07T00:32:00.003+08:00

i love it when you look vulnerable, when you look shagged and tired and weak. cos you no longer look like the ice princess you are, but a little girl. or a mother who just gave birth. the latter two of which you are more than the first, but i'm not gonna tell you.

2011-10-06T23:01:00.002+08:00

i'm fucking pissed off at ALL of you

omG you dont fucking know music, all of you dont. repeatedly being a tard. shows me i'm gonna waste my fucking time tomorrow. and what i hate more than anything else in the world is fucking bringing my fucking electric guitar around cos its heavy.

YOU fucking shallowly readably retarded. its SO obvious, that its disgusting sometimes. cos its awkwardly not playing out smoothly like it can/should like a well played out movie. all because of how HUMAN you are, and how lame humans are in the first place. shut up and stop doing stuff. you dont fucking deserve to for the next idk 10 mins/years or smth. can you kind of, not be a fucker?

YOU wahlao eh can dont kill me?? dont do this shit to me, giving me nice youtube links with just about the most ever. whole day every day you on comp then you give me this shit. when NTH will EVER happen. drink drink drink

YOU OMG for once you're the one i'm feeling least for here. because you didnt do shit and i didnt do shit and we've just not been talking until tmr, and wtheck!! what's with LUCK, and the one normal next stride i'm about to take?? tell me you're not shitting me la..

YOU even you, i think you (seemingly) didnt do shit actually la. but wtheck on your timing alone bro, can i just get pissed off at you. and any other shit you pulled la. somewhere along there.

2011-10-06T22:30:00.001+08:00

-.- fuck everyone... -.-

2011-10-05T00:45:00.000+08:00

i love it when you laugh like that. if forever was a thing.. it would be you haha.

2011-10-03T21:41:00.002+08:00

can get ami la.. omg. sympathetic response = danger haha.

2011-10-03T21:41:00.001+08:00

not every golden hair girl

2011-10-02T21:09:00.002+08:00

每顆心上某一個地方
總有個記憶揮不散
每個深夜某一個地方
總有著最深的思量

世間萬千的變幻
愛把有情的人分兩端
心若知道靈犀的方向
哪怕不能夠朝夕相伴

城裡的月光把夢照亮
請溫暖她心房　看透了人間聚散
能不能多點快樂片段

城裡的月光把夢照亮
請守候她身旁　若有一天能重逢
讓幸福撒滿整個夜晚

若有一天能重逢
讓幸福撒滿整個夜晚

2011-10-02T01:23:00.000+08:00

the suits and the ties can suck my cock. i will serve the people..

2011-10-01T23:41:00.003+08:00

if i die, i wish to be ripped apart, and every part of me salvaged to be used for some good cause. any viable part of me should be donated to patients who need them, and any non viable part of me (absolutely so, cos i'd rather be used for transplant than study if it can be helped) should be used for study. and then any scraps left of me can be collected and dumped into a hole in the ground like rags, where my grave can be haha.

2011-09-29T08:44:00.002+08:00

it gets shitty when ppl start to matter, more than they do normally, which is already a lot. for the week, i am already a physical prisoner to time.. i need to free myself in other ways, yet still thrive..

2011-09-28T21:43:00.002+08:00

hold me now, i'm six feet from the edge and i'm thinking-
maybe six feet ain't so far down.

drag my tired body around.. i really wish my imagination is correct. i know its not a promise, but don't give me some false hope either..

2011-09-27T23:18:00.000+08:00

everything is sad, and i just wished my heart would beat in a non-tired manner once more..

2011-09-27T21:56:00.000+08:00

back to being unstable.. bleak.

2011-09-27T01:00:00.002+08:00

blood's not rushing to my head without. heart's not pumping fast enough without. lips aren't loose enough without. brain's still able to think too much without. not that i'm dependent on it, you know. but i am too conscious right now that i'd suspect things are about me. i am too conscious right now that i'd consider how wrong my assumptions may be. of course i just wish to be delivered from this. but no, i can only face the unwritten following page, and read it only when it is written..

2011-09-26T00:18:00.000+08:00

mind-boggled. at the fact that idk what's gonna come of here haha. i'll see, i guess.

2011-09-24T16:59:00.002+08:00

such golden late afternoon light, bathing the houses in the distance, and befalling on this quiet train station, with brielle playing in my ipod.. really reminds me of eurotrip haha..

and the next song is wang lee hom's kiss goodbye..

2011-09-24T02:03:00.001+08:00

because when you finally move on and are gone i'd have nothing left to hold on to

2011-09-23T18:35:00.000+08:00

last night i hugged to sleep an owl that is not you

2011-09-21T14:37:00.000+08:00

2011-09-21T04:58:00.002+08:00

well i won't die. i guess thats both a good and bad thing. kind of like my gift that is my curse. i don't know already la, i stand on a cliff, hopefully by the sea, and i scatter it to the wind. what comes from here i don't know. timing lor. i hope.

2011-09-21T02:36:00.000+08:00

it is a very sad birthday after all..

2011-09-20T14:00:00.002+08:00

from himym,

if you have chemistry, you only need one other thing: timing.

2011-09-20T12:50:00.004+08:00

i am a clown, i dress up, and i smile and be happy. but at the end of it all i'm just gonna cry. i willingly submit myself to you, but i'm just gonna get hurt.